every decision I have made has proven to be the right one

practicing radical self belief in the midst of great doubt

It's so easy to fall in the hole— the eerie place you visit when suddenly and uncontrollably you forget who you are, where you're going, and how the hell you got here. It only takes one wrong step to find yourself tumbling, and once your body is in freefall, it's already too late to try and grasp for grass. 

Usually, when I fall, it's by my own hand. I trip or stumble while walking blindly, sometimes I dive in, head first. Regardless of how I get there, each time I’m left to find my way out hall of egress style—eyes closed, hands guiding me forward. The other day I was unsuspectingly pushed in, but luckily, I pulled myself out by a thin blade of grass before my descent. This is how it all went down:

For context, I'm currently in a very dire state of my post-grad job search, not quite desperate but it's inching there. I’m in what I’m naming the nepo stage—discovering any possible connection between me and a mostly-desirable company or industry. This stage capitalizes on the power of the cosign. Every professor, former boss, current boss, family friend, a friend of a friend of a friend—literally whoever—is a potential resource if they can vouch for my character and skill.

In the midst of this, I reached out to an old professor, one whose work and career I respected a lot, for insight on working in an editorial role in the journalism industry. I left the meeting with some helpful advice, but the one piece of “advice” I couldn't shake was the part where they said, “A company like the New York Times simply won't hire you.” My first thought was, ‘Yeah, that’s probably right”, with no offense taken even, it's just a mostly true fact as the Times does not often hire new grads with little experience. But the more I lingered on this, my descent into the hole began. I felt myself slipping slowly, and my hopes of working at a renowned media company growing blurry and distant. 

A blade of grass, however, met the palm of my hand just in time. The blade, a simple reminder: if I’m ever going to make it anywhere, I have to assume that every decision I've made thus far, was the right one. 

It’s radical self-belief: the unwavering mindset that you have been divinely placed by God in this current moment, that you have taken every right step, and that you will absolutely get to where you're headed. It's not so radical in theory, but it feels radical in a workforce where a bachelor's degree, work experience, relevant skills, and a great work ethic are still somehow not enough to find and job and make a living wage. With these circumstances, sometimes it feels radical to believe that I will be one of the fortunate ones to make it and achieve the life I desire.

Radical self-belief is not taking competition as an automatic disqualification. It's counting yourself in, no matter how steep the goal. It's giving yourself time and space to grow into the person you will become and trusting each step of the process.

It is believing, unwaveringly, that if you were The New York Times, you would hire yourself—and that belief alone, being enough to carry you.