dream boy, nightmare contestant

the questionable intentions of The Bachelor

the first ever bachelor, alex michel

magic or marketing?

Despite 42 seasons resulting in only nine successful marriages, The Bachelor franchise continues to try and convince us of the magic in its daring love experiment. According to statistics, The Bachelor system isn't any less successful at creating lasting romance than dating apps like Tinder, Hinge, and Bumble with a combined series success rate of 19% of relationships ending in marriage compared to about 14% for online daters. It's not ABC’s fault relationships are generally unsuccessful, but, what I do find odd about The Bachelor franchise is its unending commitment to pretending it isn't a staged, sensationalized, competition based TV show, but rather a magical, romantic, and entirely pure intentioned experience aimed to help people fall in love.

Fostering love within a 6 week timeline is already quick (I think possible), but split between 30 people and a handful of interactions—hardly imaginable. One of the nine successful couples, Sean and Catherine, from Season 17 of The Bachelor even admitted in an interview that over the course of filming they probably spent 72 hours together, and that's with 3 one on ones, a solo date which not all contestants receive. 72 hours of solo time across the course of 6 weeks plus the time tax of cocktail parties ending early, filming logistics, and travel are less than ideal to prepare someone for proposal and marriage.

current bachelorette charity lawson

shameless promotion(it’s honest work)

Millions of people watch The Bachelor franchise series, making contestants instant stars among the fanbase. The exposure, fame, and experiences which come from participating in a Bachelor franchise show are undeniable especially now in the age of the influencer. 

Each season of The Bachelor is filled with drama, extravagant dates, stunning settings, heartbreak, and tension. This formula proves to be a win both for the audiences who enjoy the entertainment and for the contestants who get the rare chance to be a part of this whirlwind experience. However, it's important to acknowledge that this setup is unrealistic, impractical, and can be borderline toxic for those involved but the benefits for viewers, contestants, and ABC executives are quite evident.

the facade of the “right reasons” warriors

Given all that is known and understood about the nature of reality television, a peculiar pattern emerges in almost every season of The Bachelor franchise. The leads of the show often emphasize how seriously they are taking the process and make vows to fearlessly weed out anyone "there for the wrong reasons." Contestants also work overtime trying to find cracks or lies in their peers' intentions. Brayden, a contestant from Charity’s ongoing season of The Bachelorette, was condemned by the men because he expressed valid doubts in the process and his uncertainty about being able to propose at the end of it. This controversy became the centerpiece of the show for several weeks, taking time away from Charity's journey. 

What does it actually mean to be on a reality TV show for the wrong reasons? We all know the real purpose of these shows, and the contestants are well aware of it too—entertainment, vibes, screentime, a check, and maybe love if you're lucky. So, why does The Bachelor continue to try and gaslight audiences into believing that the experience is anything more than just that?  Leads often regurgitate lines like “I believe in this process”, “I’m here to find my husband/wife”, and “I just know my husband/wife is in this room”, knowing damn good and well they probably have a better chance finding a partner walking down the sidewalk than in an isolated mansion incubator with 30 strangers, an insane formulaic time crunch, 100 cameras, and millions of Americans watching. 

…BFFR!

It feels silly to me that contestants leading the “here for the wrong reasons” brigade are seen with perfectly curated instagram feeds posting sponsored content shortly after getting booted off the show. Producers plan group dates where the contestants spend more time with each other than the lead to compete in frivolous games like dodgeball only just to maybe get a few minutes with them at a cocktail party. The leads are repeatedly set up by producers who Escalade eliminated contests back to the mansion to stir up drama after being sent home. The show picks and chooses when it's authentic and it's easy to see through. 

I do believe it is possible to find lasting love through strange experiences like these, and the evidence shows that couples have found love and built families from their Bachelor romances. I also recognize that the leads deserve to date people who are honest and have a true interest in getting to know them. But, two things can be true—you can be open to finding love AND skeptical of the process, you can want to make a connection with someone AND want to reap the benefits of being on reality TV. Also, it would be different if The Bachelor shows positioned the experience as more of an experiment, like Love Is Blind does rather than a fairytale experience set to find you a husband or wife.

this isn't disney world beloved

The main goal clearly isn't to help the chosen lead find their true match, and as the show goes on that truth becomes more and more clear. I haven't watched the earlier seasons of The Bachelor, but I do believe the magic once existed, but declining views over its long reign prove that the gig is up. I think they'd be better off leaning into the insanity and hyperreality of it all, a Flava Flav approach, than trying to play into a fantasy that's been long killed, like a kid finding out that Santa is just their parents.

tiffany pollard aka new york from “Flavor of Love”

To bring this all home to the real real world, falling in love rarely, if ever, involves destination vacations, mansions, and a roster of 20+ people. The whole point of the experience is that it's larger than life, and that's what makes it such an honored thing for people to be a part of. I would love to see a show that actually tries to see if put in the perfect conditions, two people can fall in love, following the organic progression of love rather than forcing the timing into a cut and dry 12 week run.

All that being said, I will be tuning in next week, and probably until further notice.